VTA Series: Squirming and burping our way through dinner

squirm-burpee-circusTo my twin boys’ potential girlfriends and wives:

I have tried. With every fiber of my being, I have tried to teach my boys manners at the table. We have very strict eating rules at our house:

1. Eat at the table, or at least in the kitchen. No food in the rest of the house.

2. Always have one meal a day as a family.

3. No phones, toys or distractions at the table.

4. Sit while you eat. Eat with your mouth closed. Don’t talk with food in your mouth.

5. There is no burping or farting at the table. If something slips out, you must say, “Excuse me!”

These are pretty common and pretty simple. However, they seem to be forgotten at every meal! Someone always brings a blanket or toy to the table. I can’t even tell you how many times we ask them to sit down, close their mouths and finish their meals. And there is always at least one burp, fart or other strange noise that sets the whole table into a laughing fit.

But I have tried to reign it in. I have tried to enforce the rules. I apologize for their behavior now. Know that I truly believe it is more a function of DNA and testosterone than anything I could have done that cause these disruptions to the family meal.

Best of luck!
Their mother

When my boys heard about The Squirm Burpee Circus coming to the Victoria Theatre, they were intrigued. After all, squirming and burping are two of their favorite things! When I further explained that this show is a fantastic adventure with comedy, high-skill circus acts and a HUMAN CANNON – well, let’s just say they were hooked. They can’t wait to see the eye-catching cast and Vaudeville comedy routines and neither can I.

Tell me about your family eating adventures in the comments and win four tickets to this Saturday’s 1:00 pm performance of the Squirm Burpee Circus! Tickets will be given away by Wednesday by 5pm.

The SQUIRM BURPEE CIRCUS is an exhilarating, fantastical adventure featuring classic vaudeville comedy, high-skill circus acts and a plot rooted in American melodrama. Featuring an eye-catching cast and a beautiful, Cirque-like aesthetic, the show explodes with high-energy acts like The Human Cannon, The Ladder of Love and Chainsaw Juggling, not to mention classic vaudeville comedy routines, hilarious romantic antics and swing dancing! Get tickets at ticketcenterstage.com and for more information about the Saturday workshops programs with the PNC Family Series, visit http://www.victoriatheatre.com/shows/squirm-burpee-circus/.


5 thoughts on “VTA Series: Squirming and burping our way through dinner

  1. We often eat together, however, it is at crazy times of the day. And usually with a lot of complaining about the fact that I am making them eat pork chops.

  2. In a not-so-long-ago time, in a land far, far away from fast food drive-thrus and t.v. trays, Moms of all ilks and ages attempted to teach their children the proper place for a napkin (your lap) and which hand holds the fork (your left). We explained why you should never slurp your soup (No one wants to hear that!) or start eating before everyone has been served (How rude!). “Pleases” and “thank yous” were demanded if not freely given (“And what do you say?”), as was staying in your seat until everyone had finished their meals, or at least until you had been excused by an adult. Chewing with your mouth open was a punishable offense, and setting a table properly was an art form.
    Today, though . . . well, I’m older, I’m busier, and I’m tired, and quite frankly, some of those “thou shalt nots” just haven’t retained their relevance over the years. The kids are grown and have their kids and their own opinions on things, including what they all now laughingly refer to as “Mom’s School of Etiquette.” I have lost count of the number of times I’ve heard, “Does it really matter which side I put the napkin on, Mom, as long as everybody has one?” I guess not.
    But I will always have one sparkling memory, that one moment when I knew that all of my efforts were not entirely in vain. One evening, our oldest and his then-girlfriend joined us for dinner at a “nice restaurant.” When said girlfriend’s salad arrived, she stared at the table for a moment before stage-whispering to Michael, “Which fork do I use?”
    Mike’s immediate and somewhat exasperated response left me proud and a little teary-eyed, as he told her, “The left one. Always outside-in. And put your napkin on your lap.”
    Yet even as I readied myself to blame the sudden welling in my eyes on “the wine, it’s just the wine,” Michael tenderly reached for her hand and said, “I’m sorry. I forgot you didn’t attend ‘the school.’ You can leave your napkin on the table if you want to.”

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